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“Once upon a time, there was a bear who was hungry and a man who was cold, so they decided to negotiate in a neutral cave. After several hours, an agreement was reached: The man emerged with a fur coat and the bear was no longer hungry.”

According to well-known negotiator Chester L. Karrass, the common perception is that everybody wins in a successful negotiation. In reality, both parties gain in a successful negotiation, but more often than not, one party wins more that the other.

Negotiations play an important role in our everyday affairs. We negotiate in all aspects of life, from buying and selling to raising children. At work, we bargain with supervision for higher stakes. Those successful, win a greater share of money, freedom and respect. Some capable men are always told precisely what to do while others are treated as human beings. Some quiver at the sight of authority while others hold their heads high and demand a share of power. Some managers get work done by force while others exert influence through persuasion, loyalty and reason. A negotiation takes place whenever ideas are exchanged for the purpose of influencing behavior.

Karrass suggests that during a negotiation, six questions must be constantly analyzed:

1. Can I enhance my base of power by taking an action I am not presently taking?
2. Can I enhance my base of power by permitting or forcing my opponent to take an action he/she in not presently taking?
3. Can I enhance my base of power by causing my opponent and myself to take an action together we are not presently taking?
4. Can I enhance my base of power by not taking an action I am presently taking?
5. Can I enhance my base of power by preventing my opponent from taking an action he/she is presently taking?
6. Can I enhance my base of power by preventing my opponent and myself from taking an action we are presently taking?

We must be prepared to negotiate and resolve differences in a civilized way: to listen; to be responsive; and to be unafraid to adjust to conflicting values. The alternative is violence.

Source: “THE NEGOTIATING GAME” by Chester L. Karrass.

Note: These and other interesting articles are available monthly on www.e-KMI.com.

1. Devalue the importance of the bargaining chip — don’t let someone know how important it is to you.
2. If you reach an impasse, set aside the key issue and create momentum by reaching agreement on little points.
3. Never jump at the first offer, however well as it looks.
4. At the end, nibble for something extra, or something the other party wouldn’t agree to earlier. However, look out for people nibbling on you. You’re most vulnerable when you think the negotiations are all over.
5. Flinch at the other side’s proposal. They may not think for a moment that you’ll agree to it and flinching will get you a concession.
6. When asked for a small concession, ask for something in return. It stops the grinding away process.
7. Position the other side for easy acceptance with a small concession made at just the last moment.

Excerpted from a book, Roger Dawson’s Secrets of Power Negotiating (Career Press, $21.95). Details: 1-800-YDAWSON.